Lately I have been feeling the same way about this blog that I do about my journal when I don’t write for a long time… intimidated. Intimidated by how much has happened, how much has changed, and how much catching up needs to be done. And as I am about to tell you, my life had been too crazy busy as of late to deal with the increasing weight of information that I would need to relay in a blog post to… well… deal with it! So I have been ignoring it. Until last week when everything, all the plans, all the running and the climbing, and the backpacking trips came to a screeching halt. But let me back up a bit.
I got that new job, headed down to the Colombia river to take my WFR course (which really deserves its own blog entry) and then dove in, head firs,t to full time employment. I have not actually been fully employed since Kyle and I worked for ACE two years ago and even that doesn’t seem like a real job thanks to the strange schedule. So you might say I have never actually had a full time job. I have never worked 9 to 5, or in this case 7 to 5, in my life and man, is it an adjustment. So suddenly I was working, and not only working physically outside but because EarthCorps is, at its heart, a leadership training program, I was/am investing a lot of emotional and mental energy into the job as well. So BAM, my life is different, crazy, full of work and new people and responsibilities I haven’t had in a long time.
But my hobbies don’t change, or I didn’t want them to change. I still needed to run five times a week for training, I wanted to be climbing a few times a week, I had friends I was trying to see, I needed to find time to cook meals, Kyle and I had almost every summer weekend filled with camping and backpacking trips, and when the heck was I going to shower? Obviously people manage to have a job and do all of these things. I probably could have juggled everything back in the day but now… my brain quite literally just started shutting down. It was angry at me so it began to loose things. My water bottle, my raincoat, oh oops! Left your work binder behind the van. No lunch for you today, forgot it at home… I felt like I was going crazy. I had always been able to trust my brain to remember everything and now… I was scared every moment of every day that I was forgetting something. It was trying to tell me to stop doing so much because it couldn’t handle going from zero to sixty in no time flat. I knew I needed to do something, change something, but I couldn’t decide what to cut out, everything seemed so important. My parents were worried, Kyle was worried, I was worried…
Then on Tuesday everything changed. I had just walked into the bedroom, past Kyle sitting at our desk, when he began to shout in pain. I was flabbergasted. He had literally not been moving a muscle and suddenly he was holding his knee like he had dislocated it or broke it or something… To make a long story short he somehow (no doubt in the weeks of running leading up to that fateful moment) tore his meniscus in his knee and is currently in a brace awaiting surgery in two weeks to have the torn piece removed.
It has been hard for both of us to reconcile Kyle’s injury. Hard for me to watch him struggle around on crutches, hard for him to be in constant pain and a hugely decreased state of mobility, hard for both of us to see the medical bills piling up. It is heartbreaking to wipe off the chalked in trips on our blackboard calendar, and replace them with empty weekends, and to know that there is no way we will be running a full marathon in September (although we are both still aiming for a half). Just like that everything changed and our life when from crazy active to extremely relaxing… And despite the disappointments and the perceived set backs I can’t help but wonder… My mom told Kyle on the phone, “When I told you to slow her down I didn’t really realize how far you would go…” and Kyle just laughed and replied, “Well, I love her.”